Gary and his Big Balls (Written by Gary)

Hi I am Gary and this is the story about me and my BIG BALLS.

 

I've been told that I have Big Balls; well here is the way I look at it and my opinion with some memories.

 

I remember the first time anyone really commented. It was back in a place called Grand Haven. It's on Lake Michigan.

It was our friend Jim. He shouted at me from his boat. "Jee wiz or Gosh, that's some big set of balls you have".

Up until then I just thought they were the right size. Well, maybe a little large, but not so big that people started shouting comments.

I thought they were just fine, and Christelle seemed think the same way. We had talked about it and I remember her saying,

"A small set of balls in my opinion, would be grossly inadequate"

Back to Jim and his comment; imagine my surprise, I was a little embarrassed. Him, shouting a comment like that in a public place, imagine how many other people heard him and took a look for themselves? I just remember smiling, putting my head down and kept on walking.

I know just before his comment I had to cross a busy four lane street. They are hard to control when you run if they are not secure. I had a string tied to each of them but when I tried to run they still flopped around. I know I could have put them away or tucked into some sort of containment but I had them checked just moments before so they were all nice and clean and quite full. So I thought, just leave them out.

As I think of it now, I do remember a couple of nice old ladies slowing down so I could cross in front of them. I stopped running and got my balls under control. As I smiled toward them for slowing down, I could almost read their lips: “look at the big set of balls on that guy, Agnes!!"

Then still in Grand Haven I got them jammed between the wall and the boat. Christelle was very worried. I said: “Don’t worry, they are very pliable, they can take a lot of abuse like squeezing and stuff.”

Moving a little closer to the present, we met the Mortensons. I remember I had my balls out again. Henning (Mr. Mortenson) made a comment that he only had one ball. People laughed and made a couple wise cracks...I didn't see the humor. Here he is, with only one ball. I told him he needs two to kind of balance things out. He just smiles and says he can get by with just the one. I don't know what I would do If I only had the one ball. I guess I would make due. I wonder what his wife, Joanne, thinks about his blasé attitude of only having one ball. Oh Well.

 

On another topic, I don't know about other guys, but my Balls always seem to be getting dirty. I scrub them with all kinds of stuff but every time I use them I have to give them a good cleaning. Christelle has even given them a good scrubbing on more than one occasion. She says: "get your balls out and I'll scrub them up for you". I know, on a nice warm sunny day there is nothing nicer than to take your balls out and give them a little scrubbing.

I think the last straw came in Nashville. I didn't realise the river was so dirty. I had my balls out and the bottoms of them got quite dirty. Christelle asked:” do they have to hang down so far?” I know I lifted them up a couple time, but they would eventually just droop down again. Christelle even tried to lift them up a couple time too. They are heavy ya know.

Anyway after we left Nashville I washed them real good. I remember thinking; don't scrub them too hard, you may discolour them.

I often think:” do I spend too much time scrubbing my balls?” Then I remember they are mine and I have to take care of them, and keep them clean, so I should be able to scrub them as often as I want too.

Since Nashville I can only remember using by balls a couple time...Christelle says it has been more than that, but I don't know. I have a short memory. I just know I like to use my balls whenever I can and if I take good care of them I will be able to use them for lots of years to come.

I hope you enjoy the picture of me holding my BALLS, or otherwise referred to as fenders..

 

What did you think I was talking about? :-)       

Captain Gary

PS Why does it always seem that power boaters leave their balls hanging out and sailors always seem to have theirs tucked away??